Disappearing Act?
by nvzblgrrl
Summary: Fujiko has come with the gang with a proposition; help her dig up some dirt on a mysterious magician who's been making people disappear off the face of the earth!
1. Another Magician?

"Another magician." Lupin said, looking at the newspaper. "Why do you keep getting us involved with these types, Fujiko?" He asked as he looked askance at her.

"That was only one time!" She protested. "And that was because of his bulletproof formula, which you lost."

"Aya. Still giving me trouble over that? That was years ago, Fujicakes." He grinned, sliding closer to her. "I would have thought you would have _forgiven_ me by now." Lupin's fingers toyed with the edge of her skirt before she slapped his hand away. "Ow!"

"This one's a special case." Fujiko snapped. "One of my above board jobs, so you shouldn't have to worry about the cops for once."

Jigen harrumphed, his expression implying that he was rolling his eyes under his fedora. "And what makes this one special? Does he pull nuclear contraband out of his hat?"

Goemon sat passively in the corner, eyes closed, but obviously listening to every tone and intonation.

Fujiko rolled her eyes. "Hardy-har-har. You should do standup, Jigen. That way, you'd actually make money." She huffed. "No, this magician is… bad news. He makes people disappear..."

"That's pretty standard stage magic." Goemon noted.

"Permanently." Fujiko finished. "People disappear without a trace after 'volunteering' for his Man-into-Animal act. And none of them have ever shown up again."

"He could just turn them into the animal." Lupin noted.

All three of his accomplices gave him a withering 'you-stupid-meme-loving-fuck' kind of look.

"I'm not sure if you've noticed, Lupin, but there isn't exactly a Hogwarts around to teach people how to do that kind of crap." Jigen said, lighting up a fresh cigarette.

"Indeed." Goemon said. "I would not presume to call this magician an equal to Dumbledore or McGonagall."

Lupin coughed. "Nerd."

* * *

"Even if this magic man thing is just a bust, at least we get a free show out of it." Lupin noted, even as they shuffled to their seats. "I wonder if he has a lovely, young assistant on hand."

Fujiko rolled her eyes. "Typical."

Jigen muttered something under his breath as Goemon bumped into him again.

"Gomen." The samurai murmured, even as he did it again. Jigen growled, looking around the theater before jerking upright.

"Zenigata's here!" He hissed as he turned towards Fujiko. "Did you-"

"Of course not!" She hissed back. "He must have been assigned to the case too! I'm doing this for the FBI, not the ICPO!"

Lupin looked over to where Jigen had jerked his thumb. Inspector Zenigata was sitting in the second row from the front, arms crossed and expression as dead serious as Lupin had ever seen on his face.

"Huh. Well, it seems that we've acquired all the necessary components to do a special…" He said.

Fujiko sighed as she sat down in her seat. "I forget that you are completely insane sometimes."

* * *

The magician spun dramatically on his heel, cape flaring around him like a classic movie villain in maximum ham mode. "And for my next act… I will require a volunteer from the audience." He purred.

* * *

**[CHOOSE YOUR VICTIM, AUDIENCE]**

**[LUPIN THE THIRD]**

**[JIGEN DAISUKE]**

**[GOEMON ISHIKAWA THE THIRTEENTH]**

**[FUJIKO MINE]**

**[INSPECTOR ZENIGATA]**

* * *

**This story is going to be cut into chunks, which will be based on which character get's 'volunteered' by the magician.  
**

**Chapters will be labelled according to which character you choose (Like if Zenigata get's volunteered, you go to ZENIGATA, followed by ZENIGATA 2 and so forth as they are uploaded)**

**A smidge inconvenient, but I kinda wanted to do all the characters.**

**Chapters will probably be a little disorganized as I might end up writing them in odd orders. I'll try to tidy up once I'm done with the story.**


	2. LUPIN

"…The world famous gentleman thief, Lupin the Third!" The magician called out.

"… How did he know I was even here?" Lupin asked, dumbfounded.

"Magic." Jigen answer snidely.

Lupin made his way up to the stage, waving to Zenigata as he passed. He made a kissy face at the lovely assistant as she guided him over to a simple wooden chair. The thief tested the floor, finding it sound, before looking at the chair from all angles.

"To those in our audience who live under a rock during their waking hours, our volunteer is something of a legend among those who do the impossible. A family trait, if I understand correctly." The magician said, pulling off his black silk cape and turning it into a simple white sheet easily twice the size of the initial cloak. "As those more familiar with this act will know, I will cover our volunteer with this sheet, and, with only a single gesture, will turn them into an animal suitable to their personality. One is always curious about the nature of one's fellow man, and nothing reveals it quite like revealing his inner beast."

Lupin felt the hair on the back of his neck standing on end as the white sheet descended over him, blinding his view of the audience.

His friends leaned forward in anticipation.

"And a one, a two… kindly excuse the excessive flamboyance, dear audience… A PRESTO CHANGO!" The sheet was pulled away…

Lupin was gone, replaced by a leggy Dalmatian with a weird lopsided grin. It barked loudly, before jumping up on the lovely assistant, licking her face, and then running offstage. The audience gasped, though Lupin's friends tensed up. There hadn't been any sign of normal stage magic. No trap door; Lupin had proven that himself, no wires, no false backs… the thief had just disappeared.

"Ah, well, I see that our rambunctious friend is off to sow some chaos elsewhere…" The magician laughed, prompting the audience to join him. "And that's it for us tonight. I bid you good evening, friends." The man bowed as the curtain fell and the applause swelled.

* * *

The gang had snuck backstage immediately after, looking for some sign of the thief. Jigen was looking around some crates, while Goemon checked the catwalk. Fujiko was rummaging through the costumes when she found something big and furry on his chest, licking her face. Naturally, she shrieked.

"Hey, it's the dog that they replaced Lupin with from the show." Jigen said as he ran over. "Can you tell us where our village idiot is, boy? Did he fall down a well?"

The Dalmatian snorted, turning his nose up at the gunman, even as Fujiko wiggled out from under it.

* * *

"So, why did we bring the dog with us?" Jigen asked as they returned to the base.

"Because it's our only link to finding Lupin again." Fujiko said, rolling her eyes as the dog rubbed its muzzle against her breasts. "Otherwise, I would have dropped him off to the pound like Lupin's old dog."

The new dog pulled away quickly, making an affronted noise, as if it was his pet that had been shipped off to the pound without his knowing. He pulled away to sit next to the samurai, who was watching him with an unreadable expression.

Jigen grimaced at the dog's woebegone expression. "It is almost as if that dog understands what we're talking about." He muttered.

"That ridicu- DON'T LAUGH AT ME, YOU MANGY MUTT!" Jigen snapped.


	3. JIGEN

"…the eagle-eyed sharpshooter, Daisuke Jigen!"

"How did he know that Jigen was even here?" Lupin muttered.

"Magic." Jigen answer snidely as he stood and walked to the stage. Lupin could see Zenigata stiffening in his seat as he watched the gunman go past, before looking, to no avail, to find his eternal rival in the audience.

The bodyguard tested the floor around the chair, and then the simple wooden seat itself, until he was satisfied that there were no tricks there before sitting down, crossing his legs defiantly as he waited for the act to progress.

"I see our esteemed volunteer has a certain knowledge of the noble craft I practice. A certain amount of skepticism and caution is the bread and butter of every good bodyguard." The magician said, pulling off his black silk cape and turning it into a simple white sheet easily twice the size of the initial cloak. "As those more familiar with this act will know, I will cover our volunteer with this sheet, and, with only a single gesture, will turn them into an animal suitable to their personality. One is always curious about the nature of one's fellow man, and nothing reveals it quite like revealing his inner beast."

Lupin felt the hair on the back of his neck standing on end as the white sheet descended over the stony faced Jigen.

"And a one, a two… kindly excuse the excessive flamboyance, dear audience… A PRESTO CHANGO!" The sheet was pulled away…

Jigen was gone, replaced by an alpaca, of all things. It looked around in faint disgust, before spitting on the stage and trotting off adorably. The audience gasped, though Lupin and company tensed up. There hadn't been any sign of normal stage magic. No trap door, Jigen had proven that himself, no wires, no false backs… the man had just disappeared.

"Ah, well, I see that our sharpshooting friend is completely and utterly adorable under that stony exterior." The magician laughed, prompting the audience to join him. "And that's it for us tonight. I bid you good evening, friends." The man bowed as the curtain fell and the applause swelled.

* * *

Lupin had snuck backstage immediately after, looking for some sign of the gunman. Fujiko rummaged through the costumes, while Goemon checked the catwalk. The thief was looking around some crates when he walked into something furry and warm standing in the middle of the path, looking down at him with an unimpressed expression.

"Hey, it's the alpaca from the show." Lupin hugged the fluffy beast, who just watched him serenely. "Can you tell us where Jigen is, fuzzy buddy?"

The alpaca snorted before leaning down to chew on Lupin's hair.

The thief smiled and hugged the soft cottony creature tighter, rubbing his face in its fluffy fur. "You're just like Jigen, all serious-like and no fun at- WHY DID THAT GET ME BIT?"

* * *

"So, when you could not find Jigen, you decided that the alpaca was an acceptable substitute?" Goemon asked as he looked at the messy haired Lupin and the completely indifferent alpaca.

"Yes." Lupin said. "Just as friendly, and twice as cuddly." He hugged the alpaca again, even as it made an annoyed sounding sigh. "But it's also an important clue."

"The alpaca is a clue to finding Jigen?" Fujiko asked, even as she dodged another spitball.

"Yes." Lupin declared, even as he stroked the alpaca's fur. "But I also just wanted to keep it."

The alpaca made the annoyed sound again.


	4. GOEMON

"…the honorable samurai, Goemon Ishikawa the Thirteenth!"

"How did he know that Goemon was even here?" Lupin muttered.

"I go, regardless, Lupin. Foul magics will not stop me from completing this quest." Goemon said as he stood and walked to the stage. Lupin could see Zenigata stiffening in his seat as he watched the samurai go past, before looking, to no avail, to find his eternal rival in the audience.

The samurai nodded to the assistant before testing the floor around the chair, and then the simple wooden seat itself, until he was satisfied that there was no tricks there at least.

"I see our esteemed volunteer has a certain knowledge of the noble craft I practice." The magician said, pulling off his black silk cape and turning it into a simple white sheet easily twice the size of the initial cloak. "As those more familiar with this act will know, I will cover our volunteer with this sheet, and, with only a single gesture, will turn them into an animal suitable to their personality. One is always curious about the nature of one's fellow man, and nothing reveals it quite like revealing his inner beast."

Lupin felt the hair on the back of his neck standing on end as the white sheet descended over the stony faced samurai.

"And a one, a two… kindly excuse the excessive flamboyance, dear audience… A PRESTO CHANGO!" The sheet was pulled away…

Goemon was gone, replaced by an adorable Shiba hound. It looked around in faint surprise, before being wheeled off stage by the assistant. The audience gasped, though Lupin and company tensed up. There hadn't been any sign of normal stage magic. No trap door, Goemon had proven that himself, no wires, no false backs… the samurai had just disappeared.

"Ah, well, I see that our samurai friend is completely and utterly adorable under that stony exterior." The magician laughed, prompting the audience to join him. "And that's it for us tonight. I bid you good evening, friends." The man bowed as the curtain fell and the applause swelled.

* * *

Lupin had snuck backstage immediately after, looking for some sign of the samurai. Fujiko rummaged through the costumes, while Jigen checked the catwalk. The thief was looking around some crates when he found something furry and warm sitting in a corner, looking at him with wet black eyes.

"Hey, it's the dog from the show." Lupin inched over to the dog, who just watched him serenely. "Can you tell us where Goemon is, little buddy?"

The shiba coughed.

The thief smiled and reached for the dog, scratching it behind the ear. "You're just like Goemon, all serene, serious-like, and no fun at- WHY DID THAT GET ME BIT?"

* * *

"So we didn't find Goemon, so you adopted the dog from the stage act." Jigen muttered looking from the smug dog to a swollen-fingered Lupin. "I was joking about you being insane earlier, but now I'm not so sure."

"Haha. Hoo-hoo. How amusing. I picked up the puppy…," At this, Lupin hugged the dog to his chest, stroking it lovingly, even as it growled a warning, "…Because, obviously, it has something to do with Goemon's disappearing."

The Shiba quieted, turning its face upwards to look at Lupin like he was an idiot.

"So you brought it home with us." Jigen noted. "Typical."

The dog snorted in seeming agreement.


	5. FUJIKO

"…the lovely lady looter, Fujiko Mine!"

"How did he know that Fujicakes was even here?" Lupin muttered.

"Magic." Jigen answered snidely as Fujiko squeezed past him and out into the aisle. She blew a kiss at Zenigata as she passed him, as he stiffened in his seat as he watched the woman go past, before looking, to no avail, to find his eternal rival in the audience.

She tested the floor around the chair, and then the simple wooden seat itself, until she was satisfied that there were no tricks there before sitting down, crossing her legs smugly as she waited for the act to move on.

"I see our esteemed volunteer has a certain knowledge of the noble craft I practice. Not to be unexpected from a woman such as herself, truly." The magician said, pulling off his black silk cape and turning it into a simple white sheet easily twice the size of the initial cloak. "As those more familiar with this act will know, I will cover our volunteer with this sheet, and, with only a single gesture, will turn them into an animal suitable to their personality. One is always curious about the nature of one's fellow man, and nothing reveals it quite like revealing his inner beast. Or, woman, in this case."

Lupin felt the hair on the back of his neck standing on end as the white sheet descended over the smiling Fujiko Mine.

"And a one, a two… kindly excuse the excessive flamboyance, dear audience… A PRESTO CHANGO!" The sheet was pulled away…

Fujiko was gone, replaced by a sleek Siamese cat. It meowed in surprise, before darting off the stage as elegantly as human- felinely possible. The audience gasped, though Lupin and company tensed up. There hadn't been any sign of normal stage magic. No trap door, Fujiko had proven that herself, no wires, no false backs… the curvaceous, bodacious babe had just disappeared.

"Ah, well, I see that our feline friend has better things to do than spend her evening with us mortals." The magician laughed, prompting the audience to join him. "And that's it for us tonight. I bid you good evening, friends." The man bowed as the curtain fell and the applause swelled.

* * *

Lupin had snuck backstage immediately after, looking for some sign of the inspector. Goemon rummaged through the costumes, while Jigen checked the catwalk. The thief was looking around some crates when he found something furry and warm all balled up in a corner, looking at him with big, round eyes.

"Hey, it's the cat from the show." Lupin inched over to the sleek cat, which only looked at him disdainfully. "Can you tell us where Fujicakes is, little buddy?"

The cat whipped its tail around while its eyes narrowed dangerously.

The thief smiled and reached for the cat. "Good kitty- AH, PUT THOSE CLAWS AWAY, I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING."

* * *

"So we didn't find Fujiko, so you adopted a cat." Jigen muttered looking from the sour-faced Siamese to a scratched up Lupin. "I was joking about you being insane earlier, but now I'm not so sure."

"Haha. Hoo-hoo. How amusing. I picked up the cat…," At this, Lupin hugged the cat to his chest, stroking it lovingly, even as it struggled between a hiss and a purr, "…Because, obviously, it has something to do with Fujiko disappearing."

The cat quieted, turning its face upwards to look at Lupin with an odd expression.

"So you brought the stereotypic villain cat home with us." Jigen noted. "If it yowls in the middle of the night, I'm shooting it."

The cat hissed at him.


	6. Zenigata (Complete)

**COMPLETE (BUT KIND OF LACK LUSTER WHOOPS)**

* * *

"Another magician." Lupin said, looking at the newspaper. "Why do you keep getting us involved with these types, Fujiko?" He asked as he looked askance at her.

"That was only one time!" She protested. "And that was because of his bulletproof formula, which you lost."

"Aya. Still giving me trouble over that? That was years ago, Fujicakes." He grinned, sliding closer to her. "I would have thought you would have forgiven me by now." Lupin's fingers toyed with the edge of her skirt before she slapped his hand away. "Ow!"

"This one's a special case." Fujiko snapped. "One of my above board jobs, so you shouldn't have to worry about the cops for once."

Jigen harrumphed, his expression implying that he was rolling his eyes under his fedora. "And what makes this one special? Does he pull nuclear contraband out of his hat?"

Goemon sat passively in the corner, eyes closed, but obviously listening to every tone and intonation.

Fujiko rolled her eyes. "Hardy-har-har. You should do standup, Jigen. That way, you'd actually make money." She huffed. "No, this magician is… bad news. He makes people disappear..."

"That's pretty standard stage magic." Goemon noted.

"Permanently." Fujiko finished. "People disappear without a trace after 'volunteering' for his Man-into-Animal act. And none of them have ever shown up again."

"He could just turn them into the animal." Lupin noted.

All three of his accomplices gave him a withering 'you-stupid-meme-loving-fuck' kind of look.

"I'm not sure if you've noticed, Lupin, but there isn't exactly a Hogwarts around to teach people how to do that kind of crap." Jigen said, lighting up a fresh cigarette.

"Indeed." Goemon said. "I would not presume to call this magician an equal to Dumbledore or McGonagall."

Lupin coughed. "Nerd."

* * *

"Even if this magic man thing is just a bust, at least we get a show." Lupin noted, even as they shuffled to their seats. "I wonder if he has a lovely, young assistant on hand."

Fujiko rolled her eyes. "Typical."

Jigen muttered something under his breath as Goemon bumped into him again.

"Gomen." The samurai murmured, even as he did it again. Jigen growled, looking around the theater before jerking upright.

"Zenigata's here!" He hissed as he turned towards Fujiko. "Did you-"

"Of course not!" She hissed back. "He must have been assigned to the case too! I'm doing this for the FBI, not the ICPO!"

Lupin looked over to where Jigen had jerked his thumb. Inspector Zenigata was sitting in the second row from the front, arms crossed and expression as dead serious as Lupin had ever seen on his face.

"Huh. Well, it seems that we've acquired all the necessary components to do a special…" He said.

Fujiko sighed as she sat down in her seat. "I forget that you are completely insane sometimes."

* * *

The magician spun dramatically on his heel, cape flaring around him like a classic movie villain in maximum ham mode. "And for my next act… I will require a volunteer from the audience." He purred. " How about our esteemed guest from Interpol, Inspector Koichi Zenigata!" The magician called out.

"… Zenigata has a personal name?" Lupin asked, dumbfounded.

"Moron." Jigen muttered.

"How did he even know that Zenigata was in the audience? The tickets were not exclusive." Goemon noted.

"He might have sent some out anonymously. Or…" Fujiko tensed up. "… maybe he heard that the ICPO was interested in him."

Zenigata climbed up to the stage, his sour expression never shifting even as the lovely assistant guided him over to a simple wooden chair. The inspector tested the floor, finding it sound, before looking at the chair from all angles.

"I see that our volunteer is something of a skeptic. A good trait for a man in law enforcement, to be sure." The magician said, pulling off his black silk cape and turning it into a simple white sheet easily twice the size of the initial cloak. "As those more familiar with this act will know, I will cover our volunteer with this sheet, and, with only a single gesture, will turn them into an animal suitable to their personality. One is always curious about the nature of one's fellow man, and nothing reveals it quite like revealing his inner beast."

Lupin felt the hair on the back of his neck standing on end as the white sheet descended over the stony faced inspector.

"And a one, a two… kindly excuse the excessive flamboyance, dear audience… A PRESTO CHANGO!" The sheet was pulled away…

Zenigata was gone, replaced by a tabby cat with fur the same color as Zenigata's trench coat. It meowed in surprise, before scrambling off the stage like a bat out of hell. The audience gasped, though Lupin and company tensed up. There hadn't been any sign of normal stage magic. No trap door, Zenigata had proven that himself, no wires, no false backs… the inspector had just disappeared.

"Ah, well, I see that our feline friend suffers from a touch of stage fright." The magician laughed, prompting the audience to join him. "And that's it for us tonight. I bid you good evening, friends." The man bowed as the curtain fell and the applause swelled.

* * *

Lupin had snuck backstage immediately after, looking for some sign of the inspector. Fujiko rummaged through the costumes, while Goemon and Jigen checked the catwalk. The thief was looking around some crates when he found something furry and warm all balled up in a corner, looking at him with big, round eyes.

"Hey, it's the cat from the show." Lupin inched over to the golden tabby, which fluffed up. "Can you tell us where Pops is, little buddy?"

The cat arched its back, fluffing up to comical proportions. "Ruuuuuppaaaannnn…" It yowled softly.

The thief smiled and reached for the cat. "Kitty knows my name- AH, PUT THOSE CLAWS AWAY, I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING."

* * *

"So we didn't find Zenigata, so you adopted a cat." Jigen muttered looking from the sour-faced tabby to a scratched up Lupin. "I was joking about you being insane earlier, but now I'm not so sure."

"Haha. Hoo-hoo. How amusing. I picked up the cat…," At this, Lupin hugged the tabby to his chest, stroking it lovingly, even as it growled in protest, "…Because, obviously, it has something to do with Pop's disappearing."

The cat quieted, turning its face upwards to look at Lupin. "Rrruuuuppaaaaannnn…" It purred awkwardly.

"So you brought Captain Creepy Cat home with us." Jigen noted. "If it yowls all night long, I'm shooting it."

The cat hissed at him.

* * *

Lupin scratched behind the cat's ears, ignoring the muffled purr/growl that the cat made whenever it was enjoying itself. He dodged a half-hearted swipe, before scratching under the cat's weird cleft chin. "You're just a big ol' softie under that rugged exterior, huh, kitty?" He cooed, stroking the feline down its spine. The cat rumbled, arching its back under the thief's gentle touch.

Jigen rolled his eyes, as he came back through the door. "I'd think that you'd be more concerned about Zenigata being missing, but that if that damn cat is so interesting…"

The thief glared at the gunman. "We've checked everywhere Pops could possibly be stashed away, and got nothing. Not a single blip on the radar. The magician is still in town and he hasn't done anything more suspicious than a mime act, and we've hit nothing but dead ends. Zenigato here is the closest thing to a lead I've got." Lupin cuddled the cat.

"So you're scratching his belly and baby-talking to him." Jigen said, even as he collapsed on the couch. "Sounds a little desperate to me." He muttered, even as he scratched the cat's cheek. The cat called Zenigato purred like the engine of a gremlin.

"Any leads on Zenigata?" Fujiko asked as she barged in.

"Nope. This case has gone colder than the tundra and twice as dead." Jigen said. He nodded at the cat. "It's like Zenigata fell off of the planet when this cat showed up on stage."

Zenigato meowed piteously. Lupin frowned.

"So are we going to go back on my first idea?" He asked the gang.

"That he's using actual magic and that the ugly stray cat you've been fondling for the last day and a half is really a grouchy old man who's been chasing us the last forever?"

The cat and Lupin both made an offended hiss.

"First of all, Pop's is the most amazing old man in the world, and, second, I don't see you coming up with a better idea!"

"Merroooww ruupaan." Zenigato added, rubbing against the thief's arm lovingly.

Lupin pointed at the cat. "See? He even talks like Pops."

"I thought that it was just trying to pass a hairball." Fujiko muttered.

* * *

Goemon stared deep into Zenigato's eyes, facial muscles giving barely a twitch as the cat's whiskers brushed against his cheek. Lupin had left to do a bit of grocery shopping with Fujiko, so it was just him, Jigen, and the cat in the hideout.

"This is not normal cat behavior." The samurai finally declared as he broke eye contact with Zenigato.

Jigen took a shot of whiskey. "When are things ever normal around here?" He muttered.

"I think that Lupin's theory has a grain of truth to it that can only be tested in one way." Goemon added as he stood up and walked over to the kitchen area.

"If you poison his cat, I don't think he'll ever forgive you." The gunman quipped, though he watched as Goemon pulled a cup of instant ramen out of the cupboard and the tea kettle from off of the stove.

"This is either genius or the stupidest thing we've ever done without Lupin." Jigen said, even as he grabbed a paperweight to keep the lid shut.

* * *

The cat Zenigata watched as the pair prepared a cup of his favorite ramen. "Nyaaymmoww. [Dumbasses]." He said, even as he scooted closer to the cup, watching it eagerly. When three minutes had passed, he knocked the paperweight away and clawed the lid off. "Nyyaaaammm. [Finally, some real food.]"

Lupin kicked open the apartment door, arms filled with grocery bags. "Did I miss anything?" He asked, before looking down at the ramen eating cat. "…Isn't that Zenigata's brand?"

Goemon and Jigen exchanged looks.

* * *

"So Zenigato is Zenigata." Fujiko said, leaning back in her seat to study the dirty tan tomcat in question as skeptically as possible. "I'm… not actually sure what to say about that."

"Most cats can't even digest ramen, but he looks pretty happy and not dead, so I'm guessing magic would be the best answer." Jigen said, also looking askance at the cat.

Lupin grinned, hugging Zenigata to his chest.

"I knew you guys would come around to my side."

"Ruuuppaaaaaan..." Zenigata moaned. "[You're crushing me, moron.]"

Lupin scratched the cat head, focusing behind his ears.

"[That's not- Aaaah, that feels good! No! Stop it, Lupin! I'm not a lap cat!]" He meowed, twisting in the thief's grasp.

"Maybe you should stop pushing the old man's buttons when he can't arrest you and has little knives instead of hands." Jigen muttered, even as Lupin wrestled Zenigata and his claws away from his face.

* * *

"Okay." Lupin said, face covered in bandaids and a notepad in hand. "Since the magician guy has disapperated, we're going to go through all 'transformation' breaking options."

"Number one…" The thief squinted at the page, before quickly turning it. "Yeah, that's not going to work."

Zenigata shuffled over, pulling the page back down. His eyes bugged as he read it. "Meryaaa, ruuuppaaaaannn. [Yeah, you better not, Lupin. Kiss me and die.]"

"Number two… No, we can't hunt down and kill the guy, Jigen; he's disapperated! We established that fact!"

"Number three… It's been like a week, Fujiko. I'd assume that midnight has passed enough where it's not going to work."

"Number four… Goemon, no." Zenigata stretched his head to try to read it, but couldn't quite catch it before Lupin turned the page.

"Number five… 'Wait for a solar eclipse'." Lupin tapped his pen against his chin. "Well, it's an okay backup plan, I guess." He flipped to the next page, only to find it blank. "Well, this sucks. Want to try number one?" The thief asked his transformed pursuer. The head butt to his face immediately after that question was a pretty good indicator of Zenigata's answer. The magical poof of white smoke was a surprise to everyone though.

"LUPIN! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO KISS ME UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE!" The inspector yelled as he appeared out of the white cloud, even as he overreached and collapsed on the thief.

"Well, that was a copout." Goemon noted.

"Oh god, that was a horrible pun." Jigen muttered, even as he pulled a pillow over his face.

Fujiko immediately left the room, not saying a word.


End file.
